This informal prospectus of Kingdom, Power and Glory, Incorporated, is intended to provide information about the organization and opportunities for potential investors.
KPG, Inc. is the universe’s oldest 501c3 agency, with articles of incorporation having been filed prior to Twelve Billion, BCE. The exact date has been lost to history. Many documents were destroyed during the last Big Bang, but records are clear that the organization has been functioning continuously for significantly more than 6,000 years. We just want to be clear about that. Early work in evolution has lead to life on Earth and possibly other places. That’s up to you to work out. Currently on Earth we are involved in several Human Rights and Justice causes, Reframing world religions (an ongoing process) and we are silent partners in the production of the ABC sitcom “Modern Family.”
On Earth, we are a bottom-up organization, chaired by a deity* and lead by a seven-billion-member +/- board of directors. Decisions are made typically either individually or by committee, and occasionally by democratic electoral bodies. The latter is under examination as we still haven’t worked out the kinks. That’s on the docket for review in 2012 – if we decide not to end the world. Just kidding.
It may help to think of our governance structure as being similar to cities with a strong counsel arrangement. Our deity calls the meetings and provides guidance, but relies on the board of directors for most specific legislation. We like to think of our deity as more of an omnipotent policy wonk than an autocrat. You may think of her however you choose using the metaphor of your choice. It’s all good. Really.
Opportunities for Investment: Kingdom**
We are actively seeking investors willing manifest Kingdom in their midst. The payoff is long-term, and not federally guaranteed. However, anecdotal information and interviews with certain Catholic nuns, Buddhist monks, poets and international aid workers indicates that intrinsic rewards are likely and typically more than offset the cost of investment.
Just a few of the opportunities available are listed below:
+Work for justice
+Give people good news
+Independent Investment – wherein participants devise their own Kingdom-manifestation model – is also available.
Opportunities for Investment: Power**
Prospective Power investors are encouraged to speak truthfully and stand up for their beliefs. The deity pledges to support the power-investment team model. However, results may still vary. Rewards range from sainthood, record deals political office to being burned at the stake. Which also may result from not speaking truthfully. We encourage investors to do their best in this regard and apologize for inconsistencies in the system. It may be some comfort that the deity does prefer that things work out well for investors and will attempt to guide the process, in subtle ways, in that direction.
In return for power-related investment, the deity pledges to keep the universe in fairly predictable operational order – let’s just set aside Chaos Theory and the Many Worlds Model for the moment – in order that the Power may continue to unfold. Not unlike what happens when you tug on the skin of a shar pei. You realize there’s more there than you anticipated. It works kind of like that.
Opportunities for Investment: Glory**
The deity would like a word here. “While I certainly appreciate all the warm thoughts, supplications, prostrations and praise singing, the “worship me” folder at my gmail account is currently full. Keep those direct messages coming…by all means. Even so, you may also glorify my name and my mission by supporting our less well-funded Kingdom and Power initiatives. – G.”
One quick correction to a previous prospectus. It seems our wording my have lead some to believe that all investment in KPG, Inc. during the current sphere of life would be paid at a future “afterlife” date to be determined solely by the deity and some family members thereof. We regret that misunderstanding and apologize for any inconvenience. Dividends may be withdrawn at any time. In fact, we encourage investors not to “bury talents.” Rather, we recommend a strategy of continuous investment, withdrawl and reinvestment.
The FDIC also specifically prohibits us from promising rewards in the afterlife since we haven’t been able to actually, well, um, provide any concrete evidence to that effect.
Valued KPG, Inc. potential investor. We appreciate your interest. The deity, in particular, is well-pleased. If you have any questions or comments, we also love to hear them. Just think them hard or talk with a friend over coffee. It all works the same way. We’re here for you. Forever. And ever. Amen.
*Legal Disclaimer: While we adhere to the “single deity” model, we understand that some may also follow the “multiple deity,” “split-deity” or “non-deity” model. As far as we can tell, the deity is fine with that. We have no information to the contrary. We do have it on good advice that the deity enjoys being portrayed as a trickster elephant, and prefers the Alanis Morrisette version to the Morgan Freeman, George Burns or Jim Carrey versions.
**Legal Disclaimer: While investment in the activities of KPG, Inc. is promoted as a means of bringing forth Kingdom, Power and Glory through active participation, the actual qualities of Kingdom, Power and Glory are the sole property of the deity, and will likely be manifest anyway. Asking and working for them is provided as one way, but not the only way, to participate in that process.