“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
About a month ago, I came across an NPR story about a woman named Mary Johnson whose only son was shot and killed by Oshea Israel, a teen involved with gangs and drugs. Toward the end of his prison term, Israel and Johnson met face-to-face and reconciled. Mary Johnson forgave the man who murdered her only son and went on to develop a caring relationship with him.
When I come across an unimaginably tragic story in the news – and there are probably at least a dozen in today’s newspaper alone – I often find myself mentally contemplating how I might react if it were to happen to me or my loved ones. Would I react as Mary Johnson did? Would I be able to forgive?
But what is the point, really, of these hypothetical mental exercises which involve scenarios I am unlikely to encounter? Why bother with hypotheticals when there are countless opportunities for me to forgive within the ebb and flow of my regular everyday life? These everyday opportunities to forgive are seemingly innocuous, but they are important because they involve the people I love most in the world, whose relationships I value above all else. How many times do I feel hurt or angry as a result of something my husband inadvertently does? How many times do I find myself annoyed and at wit’s end with my kids? How many times do I stew over my own wrongdoings, unwilling to forgive myself? Living and loving others is not without anger, hurt, and frustration.
When Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”, Jesus responded, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (If you have a spouse and children, you will have ample opportunity to put his words to the test!) Jesus is essentially saying that there is no limit to the number of times you must forgive. Jesus is talking about cultivating a permanent attitude of forgiveness.
Relationships cannot thrive when we hold on to our anger. Holding on to anger is toxic, but forgiveness is healing, restorative, and liberating. If we can cultivate a permanent attitude of forgiveness beginning at home with ourselves and our loved ones, it’s only natural that forgiveness will soon permeate the other areas of our lives. We will find ourselves more and more forgiving with more and more people. It will not always be easy or convenient or deserved, but it is necessary for living joyfully and abundantly. And now, if you’ll kindly forgive me, I must attend to the loved ones who present me with countless opportunities to practice my newfound attitude of forgiveness.
What? Did you write this with me and the Rob Bell page in mind? Wonderfully organized post that could be a daily devotional for me. It’s kind of amazing the things that we humans get irritated over. Thanks for this Mary Ann, it was therapeutic.
Thanks, David. A daily devotional for me, as well. Forgiveness does not always come easily or naturally for me. I think out of self-protection, I sometimes want to cling to my anger rather than release it. I’m working on forgiveness as a way of living and loving everyday.
We all strive to love someone “as they are,” but often this starts at simply meeting them “where they are.” Even when we come across loved ones doing self-destructive things or who engage in habits that rightfully irritate us, do we contemplate deeply enough a move of forgiveness that says, “Come to me AS you are in all your character flaws, in my witness and embrace, so that you can more easily become WHO you are at a deeper level?”
This is the project, is it not? Especially of a progressive Christian who gets labeled as a coddler and a facilitator of sin. Wasn’t it Jesus who did exactly this? Wasn’t it Jesus who loved people where they were, the tax collector, the prostitute, the leper, the thief, and in so doing facilitated their breaking open to the spirit.
Wretchedness came from giving oneself over to one’s worldly history and occupation. Emancipation came from recognizing the grace of God within this condition, made more powerful BY this condition. That is why the low and unpiously sinful often “get” Christ more deeply in their bones,not so much from desire to alleviate the pain of their existence but to redeem their spirits in the presence of their suffering and their brokenness.
Isn’t that also what forgiveness attempts to do?
Excellent points, Zeus. Thank you so much for sharing. Your very first statement is really resonating with me.
This post was wonderful Mary Ann, thank you for sharing with us!
Thank you, Tarra.
ahhh…love this post, MA! “Be the change…” hardest to do with those closest to us. (Seems to suggest that we take THEIR ability to forgive US for granted/a given) Oh, the irony. 😉 You’re preaching to me, sister.
Thanks, Anji. I love your point about taking for granted others’ ability and willingness to forgive us – How many times during the course of the day does my behavior warrant forgiveness? Too often, I’m afraid!
Love the reminder about forgiveness being a permanent aspect of our path!